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Thursday, April 7th, 2005
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9:30 pm
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I have decided not to write in this anymore, I never really liked it to begin with.
Livejournal was a phase of my life where nothing made sense, nothing at all really. I was walking around in a fog wondering how an adult life is lived, and I did a lot of bad things to myself and other people while I was trying to figure things out.
I stopped going to church. I stopped praying, I stopped loving, hoping, singing, wishing, and appreciating. I was standing on a skateboard in a mudslide. I wallowed in self-doubt and self-pity, because it felt better than solving my problems.
I solved the problem. I realized that just because I figured out who I am before I even started college, doesn't mean that I was wrong. I am who I am, and all the hopeless, shitty days and nights wondering and crying and being sad and depressed was just pushing me farther and farther away.
The best person for me to be is me. It's best to just be nice. It's best to let people that hurt you or make you feel like you're not worthwhile go, and live their lives. And when you do that, it's best to just be polite about the whole thing and move on.
I want to tell you all goodbye and thanks for reading. I'm going to be okay, because instead of crying out to a keyboard and a retarded blog system, I'm going to live my life. The life that God wants me to live. I'm not going to wonder who I am anymore. It turns out that I already knew.
The Best person to be is the person that you are. And the faster you realize that, the better.
If you would like to contact me in the future, IM me at satellite182 and we will chat. Later.
current mood:  ecstatic
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
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2:10 pm
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bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...
Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C /
Go HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
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3:01 pm
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http://www.livejournal.com/users/popcultclassic/5216.html
Oh man man, I was reading old entries from last year, and I remembered this one so fondly, lol. Oh Westopher, I will have to visit him this year and see if he still believes he's like Jack Ryan or something. What a source of entertainment.
And what's even better is that Brit and Sarah's comments are just hilarious. Wow we are funny sons of bitches that is for sure.
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2:41 pm
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I pretttttyyyy much know all of the best picture winners from 2004 back to 1960. In order. I always blank out in the 1970s.
I cannot wait to go home tomorrow, I haven't seen my fam in forever!
Uncle Ben's Rice Bowls are the bomb.com.
In 17 days I get to reak general havoc on Canada, more specifically Toronto, with the coolest people at this effing school. I know you're jealous, so I won't ask you not to be. You just can't help it. Muhahaha.
I'm out. Ewww. Gigantic spider on my wall.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, February 25th, 2005
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3:01 am
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I want to appologize for what I wrote. To everyone. it was rude and inconsiderate.
I don't feel left out, and sarah this sentence is for you, because i know that you will be upset reading this. I don't want you to be, I don't ever want you to be upset ever again, nor sad, nor uncomfortable. I want nothing for the best for you, because you deserve nothing but all the best life has to offer. and I'm sorry that I wrote that, but like I said, I wanted to cry and couldn't. i can never cry when i really need to. I can't even put letters and words together to cry sufficiently. But I had to try, and i'm sorry to you.
I'm sorry to Matt and Jason and Brittany too, for not coming over, and for saying that I didn't want to go to Toronto, because I do. I want to make that clear. I really like you guys and you make me smile, which is something that I need. This whole stupid entry in this childish website was just so that I could get my emotions out. i said things i didn't mean, i was just entertaining thoughts in my head. Why I didn't post it in private? I don't really know. I don't want attention I swear to God the last thing I need in my life is more attention. I just wanted to see comments to prove to myself that I exist, like pinching yourself in a way but virtually.
I'm sorry to all my friends at home and from Frontierland and people i barely know that read this thing. why do i post in it? I don't know, i should just get rid of it. It's almost like I do it to get attention from other people, I say random stupid shit and wait for the little comment box to list comments. I do this LJ for others, not for myself. I'm trying to get a rise out of people, whether positively, survey-ly, negatively or otherwise. I want to say that that is really wrong. That's not what a journal is for. You're supposed to do it for yourself, and other people aren't even supposed to read it. I'm sorry that I wrote things that were unpleasant and upsetting. I really needed to do that just for myself, but I posted it publicly anyways. I could erase it, but I want to keep it, becasue i glad that things came out that i have been holding in for so long. I hope that I still have friends after this stupidity. The good thing is that I am pretty confident that I will, because my friends are awesome people who are kind and patient enough to let things like this dumb sob story i just wrote go, because i guess through dumping my feelings out, i realized that people do care about me.
Obviously, i mean, if no one cared, no one would read this, and I would have felt totally comfortable posting it with no explanation. I do have people that care, and I felt upset after I posted some strange things because I did not want them to worry. So I know that I have people that care if I am here or gone. They're the reason that I'm writing a second entry instead of sleeping or showering or studying. Because I would never want them to be upset or hurt over something I said. I care about them far too much for that to happen. So to everyone that reads this, and especially the people that read that last one. Thank you for caring about me enough to read my moronic ramblings about every day life. I love you.
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| Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
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4:15 am - This is her story
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http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/kitty_genovese/1.html?sect=2
This is the story of what we were talking about in psych, heartbreaking stuff. Her name is actually Catherine Genovese, but she was most commonly known as Kitty Genovese. I guess the best thing to come of this is that her case is now used to show the dangers of apathy and deindividuation and how society reacted to her death in the 1960s
Oh and this also gives much more accurate details than my previous summation. I defer my info back to Popovich, she got a lot of detail wrong.
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3:20 am
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I realized while trying to steal pictures from people by saving them to my own computer that I never write about what happens to me, I just write in generalizations and random weirdness.
Anyways, I'm going to try really extra super hard to do a normal LJ entry. Okay, so today, I went to all of my classes, which is a major accomplishment. I don't think I have done this since like, week one? It was a good thing I went to Philosophy to turn in my paper, because we had a massive study sesh for the midterm on Thurs. I went to psych today, which actually was not boring at all. It was pretty intense actually. Degrassi intense. Get this. In 1964, this lady was attacked on the front steps of her apartment in NYC. It was not yet dark out, so she was clearly visible. Her screams were very loud. There were 30 people in her apartment buliding at the time of the attack, and I think there were passerby as well. There must have been, it's New York. So this guy knocks her down and starts wailing on her. Does anyone come to help her? Do any of these 30 people come to her aid? You'd think somebody would right? I mean, you can't let someone who lives in the same building as you do, who uses water that you use, breathes the same air and apartment stench, someone you'd no doubt passed on the stairs and waved hello to, you can't just let someone suffer like this can you?
The unfortunate answer to that question is YES. Not a one of the people in her apartment came out to help her in anyway. Because of a lack of interference, the attacker came back a SECOND time and "finished her off" as Popovich so delicately put it. Some sickos actually admitted to moving their chairs closer to the window to watch this awful drama play out before their eyes. Can you believe it? I certainly can't. I'm really glad that I decided to go to psych today.
So get this right? I went to get some dinner by myself because I had to work the Disney table at dinner. On my way back from Nelson G and G, there's this guy who is wearing shorts. It had to have been like 20 degrees out tonight. So I found that weird. Anyways, we are walking by the little islam place and splat! he drops his pop on the ground, and the styrofoam cup gave way. Now, I watched this happen right in front of me, and the first thing I thought about was Psych today. Suddenly, I found myself in sickening paradox. I wanted to help this man, for the woman who was beaten senseless on her front steps. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't that type of man, the kind of spineless amoral voyeur that likes to watch people in peril. But I said, "OH!" Not even, "oh! I'm sorry," or "Oh! That sucks, do you want me to get you another one?" Nope. definately just "OH!" and I walked on by. He shoook his Smart Mouth pizza violently in his hand; suffering from situational anguish, he neglected to remember what was in that box and possibly ruined his entire meal.
The entire way back to Bush, which is all of 50 feet, I replayed this situation, and tried desperately to come up with some way to help him. The best I could come up with was to get him a drink from my own fridge, so he didn't have to walk all the way back to Nelson. I could have given him a napkin too. Actually, scratch that, I don't have napkins in my room. I could have found one at least. But by the time I had come up with a situation I was nearly at the door of Bush, so I decided to succumb to apathy and forget about it. I couldn't believe that after just learning this story today, I refused to help someone in need. His need wasn't great, but still, I could have done something other than walk on cockily and speed away. I now see why even in situations that demand action, people are hesitant.
Way to go for a normal entry, champ. I seriously have adult ADD.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
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2:39 pm
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20 (or so) RANDOM THINGS:
1. If you think about it, Ashlee is the thinking Man's Jessica.
2. I am so hyper sometimes. Lots of the time.
3. yesterday I went on a scavenger hunt, ate pizza AND brownies, chilled West Coast style, went to the Donkey, and while I was there maintained conversation with 3 different friend groups simultaneously.
4. I love people, they give me energy. Not being around people drains my brain. If I have good conversation with someone, I just get a jolt of energy.
5. Although you shouldn't hate people, I HATE HATE HATE Katie Monroe.
6. I love the movie Rear Window and I got to watch it this weekend.
7. Whatever happened to MCI? You know, the long distance company? We talked about AT&T's deregulation today in Econ, and I was thinking about how I have not heard a good old fashioned MCI commercial anymore.
8. I WENT TO ALL OF MY CLASSES TODAY. NO LIE.
9. I didn't go to lunch today because I was worried about seeing Adrienne.
10. I really want to do something to help the people in the Sudan
11. Yesterday, I did everything on my post-it note for the day, which just makes you feel real nice all over.
12. I have read the Bible everyday for over a week! I can actually notice a difference in my life.
13.I am truly addicted to Cheddar Cheese Munchies.
14. TORONTO
15. TORONTO
16. TORONTO
17. 26 days till we leave for TORONTO
18. I'm not at all ugly. Really. I checked myself out in the mirror today. I did not find myself to be ugly at all.
19. Organizing your closet really helps you to feel better about yourself, so does organizing your drawers. It should also be noted that organized and paired up shoes help this along too. Hmm. Why is this? I even sleep better.
20. The friggin OSCARS are on SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
ALSO, I HAVE NO FRIDAY CLASSES THIS QUARTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am feeling good today.
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| Saturday, February 19th, 2005
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4:40 am
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I feel so lame right now, I am sitting at the comp with my Mickey ears on. If it's not too shallow to say, I look dead sexy. ok it is shallow. But what else is new. I really miss my Frontierland kiddos right now. I hope xrazorstareyesx reads this as well as mswoolhat. I miss them so much. I want to hang out with Maggie and sing silly songs as we watch topless girls go down splash mountain. I want to hang out with Jeanette and ask that crazy woman to marry me again. I would actually rather be stuck in traffic AT 3 AM on INTERNATIONAL FRIGGIN DRIVE with Jane, singin' Pour Some Sugar on Me than be in lame lame lame lame dorm right now. other random memories...
1.STROLLERS!
2.Christmas Eve was officially KEITH'S BIRTHDAY at the Magic Kingdom. Santa Claus waved to me in the parade and sang me happy birthday. All of the hot ice dancer chicks said happy birthday. All of the Disney Princesses said happy birthday. I got a special birthday lunch at Liberty Tree Tavern on my birthday. The whole day just friggin rocked my socks off.
3.I played in the parks all day long with Adrienne and Kyle, that was quite an experience...
4.I really miss hangin' out with the wifey, aka Candace Burton. Much love to that girl. I don't know if she really reads LJ or not.
5. Sleepovers at the Maggie, Santos, Colee Marie, Caroline residence. Woo Hoo!
6.I only went to Bennigan's once, but it was pretty amazing. I even sat on the bar and put ice down Maggie's shirt. I also told Jessie of my secret crush for her that night... I didn't even have anything to drink, I'm just that lame.
7. Going to a catholic church on Christmas Eve at Mary, Queen of the Universe Shrine, aka, the Astrodome of Catholicism
8. Herding off angry fat women in ECVs at Super Soap Weekend. I saw Susan Lucci in the flesh, that's not an experience I want to repeat. Icky.
9. RIDES! My favorite rides- Tower of Terror, Aerosmith's Rock N Rollercoaster, Pirates of the Carribean, Space Mountain, Splash, of course, Philharmagic, The Tea cups!, MISSION: SPACE, oh and my favorite of all, SPACESHIP EARTH oh hell yeah!
10. PLEASURE ISLAND aka PI. OH my gosh, I love that place. I will never get that much action clubbin' ever again. It was crazy ridiculous. I must have been HOT then, I think it has worn off by now.
Wow. I want to go back like tomorrow.
DUTY TONIGHT SUCKED! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! Okay that's enough of that.
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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3:10 am
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10 Bands/Artists You've Seen Live.
-John Mayer
-Maroon 5
-No Doubt
-Relient K
-Weezer was at the No Doubt Concert, but I didn't like them then! SUCK
-Sammy Hagar lol times 8
-Jason Mraz
-Michelle Branch
-Gretchen Wilson
-Huey Lewis and the News, they were phenomenal! No lie
9 Bands/Artists You Want To See Live.
-Jimmy Eat World
-I have tried to see Yellowcard 3 times but never could
-John Mayer again, and again, and again!
-Ashlee Simpson though I doubt how "live" that would be
-The Rolling Stones would be good
-Taking Back Sunday
-Anything with Ben Gibbard in it
-U2
-Jay-Z, I KNOW he will do some sort of reunion tour
8 Things You're Looking Forward To.
-TORONTO!
-The thrift store where you pay by the pound
-Going home for the weekend in March, Tearin' up in NC with Billster
-Staff retreat Feb. 25
-End of Winter Quarter
-Graduating College
-My 21st birthday
-SUMMER!
7 Things That Annoy You.
-Paula Popovich
-Hanging up fliers
-WINTER WEATHER
-Racism
-Apathy
-boredom
-tests
6 Things You Touch Everyday.
-something with SUGAR in it
-pens
-My keyboard
-clothes
-Vellux!!!!!!!!
-doors
5 Things You Do Every Morning.
-shower
-brush teeth, sometimes twice
-eat
-check email
-check the Post-it for the day's agenda
4 People You'd Like To Spend More Time With.
-Jessica Whalen- disney world
-Jeanette, my puzzo from Disney World
-Chad, Meghan, Kristi, Billster, Liza, Meredith, etc. AKA the Cult
-the fam, mom, K Sue, dad
3 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over.
-DDG
-Airplane!
-Fight Club
2 Of Your Favorite Songs at the Moment.
"I've Got the World on a String" -Frank Sinatra
"Pump it Up"- Joe Buddens
1 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With.
-Jesus Christ, because I'm hoping that I get to do that anyways
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
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6:12 pm
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You're the Indie Guru!
Take What sort of Hipster are you? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.</p>You're practically too cool for words. You've got more indie rock knowledge in your pinky finger than Guided By Voices has songs! You went to your first Mudhoney concert when you were 14. You knew Green Day before they sold out to the masses. You can name every side project Lou Barlow has been in, complete with all album and song titles. You throw out words like "Thurston," "lo-fi," and "Kill Rock Stars." You wear jeans, old band tees, Converse. You hang with other gurus and people you can lord over. You're intelligent, but big-headed. Passionate, but hot-tempered. You will one day rule the earth.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 10th, 2005
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11:18 am - Thankfulness
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My mom sent me this in an email. I think that it really puts an interesting spin on our pet peeves in life. I don't have a spouse or kids yet, but I can still relate to this. I think everyone can.
I am Thankful
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED.
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE.
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..
FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.
SEND THIS TO SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT. I JUST DID.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
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1:27 am - I'm for sale
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| Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
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2:55 pm
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TEN THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR TODAY:
(in no order of importance)
1. Decent weather in February
2. I attended all of my classes
3. I am in good health and my family members are all in good health
4. I am in college, an opportunity that some people could never dream of achieving, through most of the time, no fault of their own.
5. I have learned to play poker
6. I listened to the new Jimmy Eat World CD today and I really liked it.
7. Jeanette sent me homemade chocolate chip cookies yesterday!
8. G-o-d
9. Kappa Phi formal AND Dance or Die is on Saturday
10. I called my roomate Vick yesterday and talked to him about how things are going
And more?
yes
11. I am feeling very accepted by friends here, by Florida friends, by everyone really. It seems that I am finally aware of the fact that I have many friends who care about me.
Let me tell you a story. I used to say that I have no friends. I hated myself so much and I felt so unloved and unaccepted at school that I used to say I have no friends, all of the time. I used to cry over this. My mom and dad were bewildered. They knew that I had people that liked me, and even more people that were nice to me and wanted to be my friend. They used to try to get me to understand this and say "what do you think we did? pay these kids to like you? we're not that rich!" I never got it. It took a long time to get it and appreciate it. And I do. I realize that I have tons and tons of friends and people that I know and that like me and care about me. If I have grown the most in one area, that would be the area.
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2:33 pm
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I am in despair officially. I really wish I could just quit college and start all over. I'm just so unsatisfied with my life. I don't feel 20 years old, I feel 16. I lost all of that weight and now, I have put it all back on. I seemingly cannot score above a C on any tests that I take, I will never get a job in my field, My skin looks terrible right now, I can't even spell in psychology because I get that bored, plus, this is a terrible run on sentence, which I don't really feel like fixing right now.
SO SO SO many things wrong, plus I'm a horrible person socially and I will never be a good resident assistant. Now, I need to stop.
I need to fix the things that are wrong with me, and forgive myself for things out of my control.
Here is my plan
QUITING COLLEGE- I don't think so. I like all the friends I have made and I don't want to leave them. I love Athens. The things that annoy me are people making me feel like dog shit, with their demonic glares that attempt to melt your insides, and classes, which I frankly need to work harder at. I need to really focus on how much I am loved by friends and family and tell myself that the people that stare at me with evil intent are not people I need in my life, and that they're probably not really staring at me anyways. Problem solved.
UNSATISFIED WITH LIFE- I used to be so religious, and it helped me with life. I didn't realize at the time how much I needed God. It just seemed that he was there and that was that. Now, after failing miserably to live life for myself, and control destiny, I realize that I must turn to God for help. To be nicer, to stop swearing, to treat all human beings with the love that I am supposed to show to them, etc. All of these things are things that God helped me to control, and analyzing my life without God, it's pretty bleak. God is the answer to my concerns. Problem 2 solved.
FEELING TOO YOUNG-I need to sit down and make a future plan. I did this in high school and it really worked. What do I want to accomplish in my lifetime? The next 5 years? Next year? A goal is a dream with a deadline. I have so many dreams without deadlines. I also need to learn to give myself credit. I am no longer 16, because I have lived apart from my parents, I have made career plans, I have driven on the highway, I am taller, older, more socially skilled, more confident, more easy going etc. I have accomplished things in my life and although I have not accomplished everything, and there are things I still need to do, I am doing well. I am doing exceedingly well if you look at other people my age who are without formal education, have children, are addicted to drugs and alcohol, have criminal records, AIDS, sexual diseases, long-term self-adminstered health concerns, etc etc.
LOST WEIGHT- What is this sudden fascination with ice cream? What is the sudden desire for junk food? I was happy eating properly in Florida. Although I drank more water and walked more often, now I can work out to get myself in even better shape. Plus, my 34 pants are still too big, and I fit quite comfortably into 32 pants, something that I could definately not say upon entering college.
NOT BEING ABLE TO GET A JOB- This is completely irrational. No matter what the job market is like, if I work hard enough and put myself out there and use my connections and experience, I will be able to find gainful and fulfilling employment in a field that interests me. No one is owed a job. If I want one, I will have to go and get one, by any means necessary, ethically speaking of course.
I have so many irrational fears and worries. Another thing I need to do is to make a list of what I am thankful for each and every day. Oprah suggested this. Next to Jesus Christ, I think Oprah is THE source for life tips. This might also be irrational. It probably is.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, February 7th, 2005
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3:32 pm
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1. What is the geekiest part of your music collection? My old voice lesson CD- Twenty Italian Songs and Arias
2. what do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?
Ben and Jerry's
3. what is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
Stepmom, guaranteed. What sort of sicko wrote this movie? It has to be the saddest thing I've ever seen.
4. if you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
CHIN! I'd like to have one.
5. do you have a completely irrational fear?
I think everyone is aware by know that I am scatophobic, aka scared of feces.
6. what is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moment[s]?
That thing I do with my tounge and lower lip
7. are you a pyromaniac?
i do enjoy fire, I don't know where you draw the line between pyromaniac and fire lover...
8. do you have too many love interests?
yes
9. do you know anyone famous?
I know lots of Disney Characters... in a way...
10. describe your bed:
white
11. spontaneous or planned?
depends if I am feeling grouchy or not.
12. who should play you in a movie about your life?
Brad Pitt, because he's the only one sexy enough to do a good job. Plus, we have the same haircut now.
13. do you know how to play poker?
Yup yup. Texas Hold 'em. I'm pretty good actually.
14. what do you carry with you at all times?
wallets and keys
15. what do you miss most about being little?
not having responsibility, shooting hoops in the driveway, squirt gun fights, sledding.
16. are you happy with your given name?
Not really. You can never find fun things with Keith on them, everyone calls you Kevin or Kyle, no one remembers your name, you really have to ennunciate it, or people think you're Pete or Steve. GAH! I wish I was a michael or a matt or a mark or an easy name.
17. how much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
a million zillion billion dollars.
18. what color is your bedroom?
off-whitish, ferris, rat pack, and lindsay
19. what was the last song you were listening to?
Futures- Jimmy Eat World
20. have you ever been in a play?
9 of them.
21. have you ever been in love?
No, but I'm getting tired of waiting. cue frowny face.
22. do you talk a lot?
I ramble NON-STOP. Sometimes, I just talk, not to anyone in particular, and hope someone is listening.
23. do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
Somedays.
24. do transient, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?
How can it annoy you? You should be annoyed at the disparity of wealth in America, the deinstitutionalization of mental patients and the fact that we have veterans of wars annoy you, not the poor people who have to find places to pee.
25. do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
Other people would say so, But I often feel that I'm cruel.
26. do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends?
If I had one, I would try to find a balance
27. what is your ideal marriage location?
A cathedral in a tropical location, a church near a beach.
28. which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
Guitar or piano
29. favorite fabric?
vellux!
30. something you love and hate?
people.
31. what kind of bedding do you use?
blue
32. do you tell your friends about your sex life?
If I had one, then I would probably.
33. what's the one language you want to learn?
FRENCH
34. how do you eat an apple?
Putting it in my mouth, chewing, leaving the core? Is there another way?
35. what do you order at a bar?
water or sprite
36. have you ever pierced your body parts?
No
37. do you have tattoos?
No
38. what's one of the "funniest" things you've ever done?
Hard to say, I'm funny lots of times, both "funny ha-ha" and "funny weird"
39. do you drive stick?
no
40. what's one trait you hate in a person?
???
41. what kind of watch(es) do you wear?
I wish I wore a leather one with the little face, I think those are neat.
42. most frivolous purchase?
Um, I'm frivoulous daily, so it's hard to pick. I did recently blow $70.00 bucks at Banana Republic...
43. do you consider yourself materialistic?
Yes, yes yes.
44. what do you cook the best?
Easy Mac
45. favorite writing instrument?
ANYHING BUT PENCILS
46. do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
Hard to say? Sometimes I like to stand out, but most of the time I have to have whatever is cool and stylish, so I would have to say blend in most of the time.
47. would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Yes probably.
48. what's one car you will never buy?
A SCION! Gross, those are like the ugliest cars of all time.
49. what kind of books do you like to read?
Anything interesting.
50. if you won the lottery, what would you do?
Bum-rush the mall, go on a big vacation, save some, like $5 or so.
51. burial or cremation?
burial
52. how many online journals do you read regularly?
Just the people on my friends list.-same here
53. what's one thing you're a sore loser at?
Losing positions in clubs and stuff.
54. if you don't like a person, how do you show it?
Try to avoid them, and if they insist on talking to them, be short with them and try to send them the message gently.
55. do you cry in front of friends?
Well, that all depends on which friends you're talking about. And what I'm crying about.
56. what kind of first impression do you think you give to people?
I would like to give an impression that I'm cool and fun, but usually, it's probably like, That kid doesn't talk very much.
57. what's one thing you like to do alone?
shower
58. are you a giver or a taker?
Give blood, take pictures?
59. when's the last time you cried?
In Florida, I had like my semi-monthly breakdown after watching Farenheight 911
60. favorite communication method?
AIM
61. how many drinks before you're tipsy?
Never had one, but I think it's probably like 2-3
62. do you think you're cute?
I think I have a cute personality, and overall, I'd say I'm good looking
63. do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?
Male friends no, female friends, well that's a little different.
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| Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
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7:47 pm - Who I am is in between, What I wanna be and what I am
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I just had a floor section meeting. It went pretty well. Everyone seems psyched about poker night next Monday. I just wish that I would have been here at the begininning of the year, so I could really build community. I can't even talk to these people, I am doing so bad at that. New goal for the week is to start using people's names. Now that I feel more comfortable I will use their names, and say hi to them too. School is so hard for me, it's not like Disney, because people are just plain mean at times. OU is very cold and unfriendly in the winter. OU is actually pretty cold and unfriendly all year long. I get so stressed and I revert back to the person who hides from people and avoids meeting new people and just plain hates himself. Friends, please tell me that I'm not like that anymore. I can just feel myself becoming that way.
This week I was thinking why I suck at life sometimes, and I realized that I too often deny myself the opportunity to BE WHO I AM. I study in ways that other people study, even if I get better grades another way. I love to sing and perform, but when was the last time I did that? I never do that. When I feel like I have no talent, it's because I deny myself the talents I do have. All of last year I tried to be someone I wasn't, a new me, a college me. I realize now that I'm not an action figure, I don't come with different guns and different uniforms and accessories for every situation. Like GI Joes. The collector ones, you could change their clothes and give them new guns and stuff. Life isn't like that. We are who we are and we have to accentuate the positive about ourselves. Eliminate the negative sure, but don't forget who you are. I've been trying to change so much and change for the better, because I wasn't sure of who I was. The problem is that I was a pretty good guy to begin with, and I didn't have to look too far or make too many radical changes to become a good man. I want to do what I enjoy, study the way I need to study, make decisions that I want to make. A person that tries to blend in so much never stands out. Why do I have to have a North Face Jacket? I don't! Why do I have to dress a certain way or like cool bands or be sad and emo all the time. I don't have to! Why can't I just go to church and sing and hangout and drive my car and smile? There's no reason why I can't be the person I am. I have changed so much, for the better, but what I really need to do is to take those skills and apply them to my best self, the Keith that some people have never met. I was so happy in HS, because I had a place, a role. In college I have tried each and every role imaginable, but I was ignoring the things I would be really good at.
So next quarter, I'm trying out for SMO. I'm going to smile. I'm going to wear what I want. I'm going to go to church and start being the good christian I'm supposed to be. The trailer for Lost in Translation said, "Sometimes you have to go halfway around the World to come full circle." I have done that, and I'm ready to come into my own.
Wow how emo and serious like! I'm such a nerd sometimes. But seriously, I want to do this stuff. Every one of you out there, I need your help on reminding me to be who I am supposed to be.
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| Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
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5:05 pm
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Name: Keith Williams Dodge
Birthday: August 20, 1984
Hometown: North Canton, OH
Sex: Stud, Dude, guy, etc
Marital status: Marital Bliss in the Facebook World
Seven things to do before death:
1. Get married
2. Have Children
3. Buy my own tropical island
4. Live in the Big Apple
5. Tour the Globe
6. Learn to play guitar
7. Go on Safari/Climb a big mountain
Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:
1. Eyes
2. lips
3. butts
4. sense of humor
5. intelligence
6. body
7. class
Top seven things you say most:
1. "When I was in Florida..."
2. "I gotta get this done"
3. "Guess What?"
4. "Do You remember..."
5.w00t
6. hot!
7. General Rambling
Do You:
Smoke?:Only with me pal Katie Monroe
Do drugs?: Sudafed is my current drug of choice
Read the newspaper?: Reviews, letters to the editor, headlines..
Pray?: Lots
Have a Job: Resident Assistant
Attend Church: I really should, but I have a hard time going
Have you ever:
Been in love?: NO
Gone skinny dipping?: Possibly, but it probably wasn't exciting because I don't remember it
Had a medical emergency?:I have broken some bones-pinkie, nose and arm, I had my wisdom teeth out, but none were really like ER material
Swam in the dark? Yeah
Caught the bouquet:Isn't that a girl thing?
Got drunk: No, but I can now call myself a social sipper
Ran away from home? I would pack my bags a lot. But such a prissy child such as myself would spend too much time deciding how to look good as a homeless person, and my parents would always figure it out before I made it out of the house.
Played strip poker?: yes
Gotten beaten up?: NO
Beaten someone up?: Nope
Been on stage?: I was in 9 plays in HS and MS, I was in band and choir, yeah, I would say I've been on stage before.
Slept outdoors?: Used to be a boy scout, so I am estimating probably somewhere from 80-100 nights in the great outdoors.
Pulled an all nighter?: I can't really make it past 5 AM
Been on radio/tv?: yup
Been in a mosh-pit?: Yeah, at a christian rock concert... isn't that fantastic?
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: yes
Describe your first kiss: Invasion of the Tongue Queen, I couldn't really breathe.
In the last 24 Hours have you:
Cried: nope
Bought something: Yeah, I was starving last night so I bought a brownie at 4 AM from a vending machine.
Gotten sick: Sick free since Saturday
Sang: Yeah
Been kissed: No unfortunately, but stop by Bush 108 and we can change all that....wink wink
Felt stupid: yeah sort of.
Talked to an ex: No way
Talked to someone you have a crush on: No but I got a letter from her recently!!! :):)
Missed someone: Yeah....Someone from the Show Me State...
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| Saturday, January 29th, 2005
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1:59 am
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My first weekend on duty was fairly interesting. That's all I can say. I feel sick. I have the sniffles. I went to see Leslie in Career Services today and she said I looked terrible. And she said that meningitis is going around. I suddenly was overcome with a fear that I had contracted the "gitis." I have feared meningitis since approximately 2001, when these Cleveland kids died from it. It was all over the news. It is seriously scary scary stuff. I don't kid about this disease. I was in constant fear of getting it during mission trip in Rhode Island, so much so that I touched my chin to my chest like every 5 minutes. So tonight during staff office hours, I looked up the symptoms on Web MD. I don't seem to have any of them. I was so relieved.
This is not the first time I have checked Web MD by the way to see if I had a very serious illness. I thought that I had skin cancer one time. Another time, AIDS. Then I thought to myself, how in world could I have contracted AIDS? There's not even a possibility of that, but somehow typing the word into the Web MD search engine makes me feel relieved. I think I might possibly be a hypochondriac. I'm lucky if that's the only mental illness I have lol. I think I have like all of them.
On a less serious note, I watched The Royal Tennenbaums tonight. What a classic film. Wes Anderson does a simply brilliant job of creating an ultra-hip, cartoonish like universe for these characters that he creates. He takes the word "character" quite seriously. I hope that he does not know people such as these in his real life. The effect I get is one crazy, madcap game of charades where everyone puts the weirdest people they know on little notecards, and yells action. Each character has an abunance of neurotic tendencies that they have no control over. Owen Wilson's character acts like it appeared from a game of Mad Libs, where someone wrote the craziest Mescaline inducing, needy, manipulative, delusional, narcissitic literary rebel cowpoke into the blanks. All of these characters are like amalgrams of themselves. It's great fun, and so sly, because all of this bizzare stuff is going on, while pure madcap comedy and costumes straight from a smelly vintage store gloss over the top. I love this movie. I have to go to bed. Sudafed makes me feel really good. I can just feel it clearing up my sinuses as we speak.
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| Wednesday, January 26th, 2005
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12:56 am - Sarah Tubbs rocks my face off
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Let me tell you how awesome Sarah Tubbs is. I feel like I have been run over by a mack truck today. My throat is sore and I am achy all over. Plus I feel really feverish. I told Sarah and she made me tea, really delicious tea. Then, She let me snuggle with her vellux. I even got some medicine. She is the most generous person. She did this for brittany too, who sounds like barnastako from hell today. Poor girl. She gave us her room, her tea, her water and her care. She tended to us and sat with us. She probably has other things to do, namely statistics projects, but she spent time with her friends instead. How wonderful. She deserves some sort of award for her kindness and love. So I thought I would tell LJ about it. But the best thing about Sarah is that she didn't even want an entry. She didn't want any kind of recognition at all. She just did it, out of the goodness of her very large heart. Her heart is like the size of Texas, or Alaska. Maybe even Australia. I just wanted the world to know that Sarah Tubbs is the best friend you could ask for. Yay for her.
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